"Ugly Truths"

I was jealous of you.
Your freedom. Your parties. Your drinking.
Your fun.
I was jealous of your carefree life.
The fact you could do what you wanted,
When you wanted, no
Consequences. No
Study.
I was jealous of you
Spending time with your friends, mucking around.
Guilt free fun.
I was green, you were
Yellow happy, black lies.
Love lust truth deceit,
You had what you desired.
          I was trapped.
I was jealous of you as you
Swam with sharks and slept with the dog,
Not a worry,
A distant thought was I if any
And still, I was so jealous of you.
I was working on our future.
I believed that you would wait, that you
Loved.
Now I stand alone as the truth is revealed.
Fate travels, closer, closer.
I was jealous of you.
I was wrong.
I am 97.75.
You are 0,
Nothing.


27.12.11/29.12.11 ~ The Broken

"No Title"

Pushing all thoughts of him away because whenever I let them in I just crumble.


18.12.11 - The Broken

"No Title"

Every time it starts to get better there's a small reminder, a token of the past to bring those buried feelings to the surface. Every time someone asks

How are you?

You say

Pretty good thanks

But you're lying. Because everything you once knew, everything your life so revolved around, is gone and it doesn't care. Nothing does. Only you.

And you know you shouldn't. Because realistically you're better off now. It wasn't worth it, you deserve better.

The hardest part? Not knowing the truth. Not knowing when the lies started, if they ever weren't, who knew when I didn't.

The worst part? You were my best friend, my partner. I gave you everything, and you threw it back in my face because that wasn't enough. I wasn't. And I didn't even notice, you didn't even feel like you could tell me when it began. You gave up, and I was too distracted to see. Almost 3 years, then

I just want to be able to do what I want and have fun with mates. I just want to be single.

Single my ass, Mister new girlfriend three weeks later.

Hurt me with the truth. Don't make me feel better with lies. Pain will persist, but one day fade. Lies grow, twist, evolve, once unleashed never reigned back.

Grow some balls. Be a man for once and talk to me. Tell me to my face why you lied. Tell me to my face you cheated, manipulated, used, abused, tore. Look me in the eye and take responsibility. Quit your childish dance.

Have you found my top yet?

I don't give a s**t about your top. You want to talk to me, say something worth my time and the cent it costs me to reply to you.

You are not the person I fell in love with, not truly, not the person I thought you were, not the person I should be with.

So why am I still in love with you?


18.12.11 ~ The Broken

"Swimming Pool"

Still.
Through a distant eye you appear dead, wasted.
You are full yet empty.
Wind.
You shift like the smallest petal on the most
Delicate of flowers, like dominoes.
Ripples.
The tiniest of movements shifts your entire body.
You dance alone, but with yourself.
All.
Upon first sight we see nothing, but look closer
                             And we see our whole world.
Everything that surrounds us; good, bad, colour, shadow.
Death.
Taker of life, you do not assist, you just are,
                             True to the cycle.
Of course;
Joy.
Your cool body so tempting, desired by spectators,
                             Human or otherwise.
Interrupted.
You are forever being torn apart, parts removed,
Parts replaced.
                             Never the same.
Still. Ripples. Death. Joy.
But neglected.
Used.


16.12.11 ~ The Broken

"Saint Pain"

Understand this.
You are big, dark, tall, handsome.
                   Check.
Crude, selfish, lying, selfish, red.
Ignorance was bliss, but
                   You are not.
Everything I admired was drowned, strangled, torn,
By infinite lies.
Friends? Not today, nor tomorrow.
Not a word, a wave, a smile.
Truth? I'll never know, you'll never reveal.
Even if you did,
I wouldn't believe.

Pain plays hide and seek.
Photographs, letters, gifts - reminders, lies.
Future? Not where you belong.
I see none.
Away from you life is abundant
                      Happiness possible.
Please leave me alone, get out, erase.
Just don't let me forget Pain. She is my
Protector,
As you are not the only one.

There will be more.

I will be ready.


16.12.11 ~ The Broken

"Currents"

Drag you out, away from home, comfort,
                               Safety.
Dangerous, hold everything, all of you and could
Let it all go in a heartbeat.
You don't realise it's happened until
                                                It's happened.
Too late, you understand the consequences.
Too long afterwards reality sinks in.
You are not unique. You did not find
Your happiness so young.
This isn't a fairytale, no one will rescue you.

So float, spread your arms and let the tide take you.
Close your eyes and don't look back.
Open your eyes, dead or alive,
You're where you're meant to be.


15.12.11 ~ The Broken

"No Title"

It scares me, but I'll tell you
                    I love it.
It bores me, but I'll say it's fun.
For you I would do that which I
Couldn't imagine.
                                For you.
No longer will I bow down.
No longer will I be malleable.
I shall not be re-created.

For me, I will say yes, for me I
Will try it. For myself I will
Embrace new, exciting and scandalous.

For you, I will never look back,
Never change.


15.12.11 ~ The Broken