'Deafening Silence'

Silence. 
Is there nothing more daunting? 
More confrontational or brutal.
Harsh, it's honest and inconsistent yet
Somehow 
Reliably frightening. 

Dark silence. 
Breathing. Wind. Rain. Static. 
And somehow there's nothing more
Loud. 
Overwhelming thoughts, 
And suddenly
I'm more afraid. 
Afraid of the truth 
Afraid of my actions 
Afraid of my memories
And the consequence of belonging to them.
Lies + betrayal + hurt + regret =
Idiot. 

Silence is unbearably loud. 
Unruly. 
Mind soul and body disagreeing. 
Add my poison, 
And I'm left with a hole, a regret, a guilt. 
Evidence of a heart all that's good. 

I'm sorry. 

I'm lost. 
I'm confused. 
I'm lonely. 
I'm dependent.
I'm so independent. 
I'm unable. 
I'm ugly. 
I'm wrong. 
I'm not yours. 
Not mine either. 

Still lost. 
Still silent. 
Still screaming. 

And the tears are silent too. 

I miss you. 


20.9.12 ~ The Tainted