Sometimes the hardest
thing to do is what’s best for you. We are creatures of habit. We fall into
patterns, live by routines, thrive on gossiping and rely on relationships far
more deeply than we realise. Then things turn, for a number of reasons.
Patterns end, routines change, gossip becomes less important and relationships
evolve. Your partner becomes a complete stranger, someone you wouldn’t think to
start a conversation with. Your best friends give up on you when you grieve,
and you’re lost, but somehow you’re surrounded with a new set of people and
you’re still happy. This makes you wonder. ‘How
can I be happy when the two people I never thought I would live without are
simply names that occasionally pop up in my Facebook newsfeed?‘
Facebook relationships mean so little, and it’s like an epiphany.
All 14 year olds think
they’re going to be with their partner forever, and the ones that are, are one
of life’s small miracles, and you’ll get over this fast.
You can wait. You can
pass out a lifeline and make sure they know you’re looking. You can babble and
babble and hope that some of the babble will make sense to them in the way best
friend babble should. You can do lots of things, but there’s a point where you
have to stop and wait for a response. It’s when you don’t get a response that
you realise perhaps this could be a good change. That perhaps the person you
lost isn't going to be found, but you keep that lifeline there anyway. Just in
case, and you hope.
You can wonder why you
would do such a thing, when all else fails, why leave a line hanging over the
edge if it seems no one will ever grab it? This is when you need to remember
the happy, the laughter that gave you the best ab work outs of your life, the
smile that was the most comforting expression in the world, the arms that
hugged all the bad away, the shoulder that was drenched in many a tear, the
legs that would of chased you anywhere if it was what you needed, the hands
that were the only hands allowed to slap you across the face because they knew
when it had to be done. When you can write all these things along your
lifeline, you can leave it hanging until your person is ready to grab on and
read your thoughts. Hope it’s not hanging long, but don’t worry, because if
they’re really your person, they’ll read it one day.
Maybe they just have to
remember who you are. Maybe they lost sight of that somewhere along the way.
Maybe they’re just as lost as you and can’t fathom what to do about it. Maybe
they are fine, they aren't your person after all, and you’re stuck wasting your
worry.
Maybe it was what you
both needed, and when you need each other back you’ll both be there.
It’s kind of pointless
to worry about some of it. You aren't the kind of person that would be happy
with a half-hearted relationship, or a bad job. You might worry about your
future successes or failures, but success in life comes in many different
avenues and no success is sweeter than one that follows failure. In reality
there’s no such thing as a loser or someone who is less important than someone
else, there are only those who lose their way or aren't lucky enough to be
surrounded by people who love and guide them through life. We've got that so
there’s no need to worry. Hell, there’s every chance you’ll fail your next life
challenge, trip over your next hurdle, but if you think about that or worry
over it, you’re wasting energy you could be using to achieve your goals.
And so for my best
friend, I’ll leave the lifeline hanging, but now it’s up to them to grasp the
other end.
18.11.12 ~ The Tainted
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